Short post on go-a, ing-a to-a Cher-a boug!

Antagonist

Nothing could prepare her for the sudden shower of light rain that sprinkled her cheeks and eyes and the chill, that like a whip; blanketed her face as she opened the door and left the warm foyer behind her.

An aged lady with white curly hair, a red jumper over a non-descript floral dress with brown shoes stared at her bedraggled appearance inquisitively as if she were a drowned dog.

“A drowned cat, more like,” she thought, extending her fold-up umbrella over her head and kept her eyes straight to the not-yet-present green man. The bouncing aural cue came and pushed her forward and it seemed like the wind and rain sped forth toward her walking in her incoming direction at the very same moment.

“I’m so glad I ended up wearing this cardigan this morning” she thought, trying to pull the sides of it together in a tug-o-war with the hands of the wind. This morning she had nearly decided to leave the house without an overcoat wearing only a short-sleeved shirt. She couldn’t decide which one to wear, because.

The wind gnashed at her neck, inside to her collar bones and she directed her umbrella towards the wind trying to stop it coming for her. For a few seconds she had to stop to stand her ground as the bottom of her trousers became speckled with the oncoming rain. In her head she suddenly wailed, “I can’t bear it! I don’t think I can bear it anymore!” But not being able to think of any logical refuge (she had to go to the bank you see, and there really wasn’t any point stopping at anywhere besides the bank which was not quite off distance now if she just kept going) she kept heading forward.

Being the dreamer that she was, she decided to let her mind trail to places she’d rather be.

Home maybe. But a home with a vast sun-room, with walls that were painted custard yellow. She’d have a moveable double bed in the middle over a rug that would remind her of brown topaz; and surrounding the bed, a fortress of 2 black and white pinstriped armchairs on each side and one double-seater at the back. Or maybe just a black velvet chaise. She liked chaises, they allowed you to be upright in the most comfortable way imaginable (which was convenient for reading) and should anyone come in the room (she wouldn’t know who, though; and for a brief second her mind seemed to beat quicker with panic imagining an intruder finding her reading, and unarmed) she would be quite presentable.

Inside the bank, she had no time to pause from the lack of queue, and a boy with russet brown hair looked up at her expectantly and her feet moved without waiting for her mind. They gazed at each other for a few enjoyable seconds before she felt it appropriate to begin business. “May I please deposit this cheque?” trying but not really trying to hide the strange girlish articulation that appeared. “Of course,” he replied, lifting his eyebrows in wide agreement and dropping them to finish its quick nod, his hands moving in a practised motion for the deposit book and flicking through its pages. They said nothing to each other as he did his work. A final few heavy stamps and a staple of the receipt to the page and it was over.

“Is it raining out there?” he said as he handed the book to her. “Yes, it is,” she said eagerly. 

They stood looking at each other until the boy uncomfortably said, “Goodbye then.” She smiled and made a quick exit, stopping once she was outside. 

Where to?

Quick update!

I’ve been meaning to blog for aaaages (as usual) but I just wanted to make a very quick update before I join the Cherboug team made up of people in CCCB (Church I go to)  in Cherboug (:P). Cherboug is an indigenous country town west of Queensland that is apparently third largest indigenous community in Australia (but with only a population of around 1000) and is full of lovely people! I was able to go last year and it was just such an amazing experience and God really glued our team together and we were able to have a really blessed time there.

We’ll be doing various things such as visiting a nursing home, holding a Christmas dinner, hopefully gathering enough youth to have a “Youth Fun night” after 9:30 (cause we’re told the youth usually only venture out late at night), talk at a radio station! and help out with Sunday service at the church there, AIM. But more importantly, we really hope to be able to get to serve people in love with all opportunities, know people, hear about their lives, share our testimonies (life stories) and our faith there.

It’s cool because Pastor (who’s also going with his wifey) tends to give us roles that we’re unfamiliar with. Taking this opportunity, I’m helping out with Sunday school. TBH, I was pretty stressed cause I realised I had no idea how to run Sunday school and what’s involved with it! (So much more work than I thought!!!! Go Sunday school teachers!) But fortunately, T  and R are fully being the best teachers of ..teaching sunday school

We’re going to kind of retell the Christmas story but (HEHE!!) I thought of this not so well thought out but idea nonetheless of using a picture of Christmas tree and drawing a map up to the star, so the three wise men make their way up the tree by following the star and find baby Jesus, our Christ! 

I was also to get TB to construct the cardboard tree cause I saw him cutting out hearts one night at a Cherboug meeting and I was like dude, he totally cuts so well so he must be good at all things craft LOLOLOL. (post a pic of that later).

Last night, T (boyffy) was over til like 12am to help me draw and colour-in the characters for the Christmas story because he is ten times better than me at drawing, art etc etc and he is just so so so nice ^-^ 

The Three Wise Men, Mary, Baby Jesus, Joseph, King Herod, and the Jesus, SAVIOUR!

 ”When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

I hope we will able to serve the kids at Cherboug well and teach faithfully! T-T 

Please pray for me and our team!!!!!!

Praise: 

• God’s love, grace and power to change people’s lives.
• God for the opportunity to go to Cherboug again this year.
• That the Cherboug church now have a pastor and family there! 
• For our abilities and gifts 

Pray:

• The team’s health, rest, keeping us from injury etc.
• That our hearts may be cleansed, right with God, renewed, strengthened and humbled by Him so that we may serve well.
• That we always acknowledge that God holds all things and does all work and that all glory be to Him
• For the people of Cherboug.
• Protection against spiritual attack. The Pastor there has told us he has been busy as  there is a death almost every week mostly due to suicide. Many of the people there are very spiritual, and have been under spiritual attack from demons etc. The battle is very real. Satan will definitely want to hinder us any way possible. 
• Team unity!!!

Thanks everyone!!!

I hope everyone is enjoying their holidays and taking a good break!

Lots of love,

Teacuplift.

He has won.

The Sum of Three Parts

I hate being with you.

I hate being alone with you.

In my head;

You’re nothing to me,

but you fill this space

you fill it all.

And I have all the things to say to you

and you have nothing to to say to me back.

In reality,

I have nothing I feel worthy to share to you

and to that;

you say nothing.

And so I continue to fill

with nothingness.

Full, fill.

Filled.

with nothing.

How are you?

Thought I would break my months’ (ha) silence and post something, something, anything so that I could get into it again. I don’t know why I have avoided blogging for so long but hey, first step!

I guess it’s mostly due to a lack of motivation to do anything the past few months, then being so busy I didn’t have time to do anything but the things I needed to do (how insane!) It’s all been a bit of a whiiiiiirr.

And so many ups and downs and happy things and so many photos and people and outfits and yey but I hope I can post them some day… very soon >_>!

So I want to thank the people who continually come see how I am and become disappointed <3 Hope you are keeping well.

TBH.

I haven’t been fairing very well and many issues = tissues; or if you’re really asian; toilet paper. I’ve been being kept down with the darkness I used to feel before my baptism and it’s been a period of time where I am learning so much about God’s grace.

I LOVE meeting up with people and God has been blessing me so much with them.

It’s different now because no matter how bad it gets, I never feel hopeless anymore because I know there is hope. And I am filled with real hope  as I continue to ask God to save me from Satan’s different ways to make me take away God’s control over my life.

A few weeks ago, I had this dream where part of it was me sitting in a room of a house on a chair in the middle of the room. It was like a room in a dollhouse, wallpapered, carpet and an upholstered chair. I wore a housewifey dress that had a “collar” thick part that cut below and across my collar bones,  and the rest was turqoise with black felt patterns and had my hair divided in the middle and twisted and pinned up on the sides. I was sitting there and suddenly felt like I was looking into my heart; and suddenly being able to see what was in it, I started wailing and crying out and sobbing in my chair, screaming; alternating between these as I without seeing anything, felt all around the things in my heart.

I woke up crying and still haunted by the feeling when I saw my heart and thought, is there really so much pain? That I never knew about?

Impacted me the whole day. Satan was getting quite the powerful.

But he never wins.

I guess God is putting me through a period of  healing.

I find it so hard to relate to people right now because of how hurt I feel inside. And I hate that because I desire to relate to people, I desire to love people and I feel so selfish that I’m so useless, that I can’t.

And I’ve been trying, blindly, to get rid of all those things that hurt me, trying to put blame on people to attribute the hurt to, building up all this distance in my heart against those who have hurt me; and I’m really scared of the future, and I’m scared of. And I never used to dare to hate others, others than myself but I’m feeling so hurt and desperate and there’s noone here with me.

You know? I just feel so broken sometimes. Like I’m so broken there is no chance for me to live normally. That I’ve screwed up my life so bad that I’m shattered; so shattered and each breath is hard and I want to give up on myself. Because there is no chance I can love properly or feel happiness and that it is wrong of me to deceive people and have them love me because they never can, they never can.

But even the bible says the heart is deceptive:

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9

And I’ve been even trying to pull away from God… wanting to rebel against Him… and I’m so silly.

Yet he has given me His Holy Spirit that stays in me, the only reason I can’t get lost. Still He draws me… He still draws me in.

Let’s listen.

“This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.

He will be a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes.

He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no-one lives.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence in is in him.

He will be like a tree planted  by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.“

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

“I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”

Like a partridge that hatches eggs it did not lay is the may who gains riches by unjust means. When his life is half gone, they will desert him and in the end he will prove to be a fool….

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are the one I praise.”

Jeremiah 17:5-11; 14.

B just posted on my wall such encouragement, and I know the Spirit is with us!!!!

” But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.” Psalm 40:7.

and may I ask God that He continues to make it hard for me and discipline and change me:  ”You rebuke and discipline men for their sin; you consume their wealth like a moth – each man is but a breath.” Psalm 40:11.

Remember that it is only because God loves us so much, hoping that we live and see Him instead of leaving us for death; that we are living each day.

We don’t “believe in God” because we are good people and we’re perfect and do good things.

We believe in God because He has amazingly, offered His love to us, a relationship with Him who created us; because we are broken, we have broken ourselves and we break each other and He has conquered the result of our rebellion = death so that we may be whole again, have life and loving Him, learn how to live with joy and with knowledge of why we were created.

We are all but broken people who need our God.

I wonder what would happen if everyone dropped all their images and shared our brokenness together to be healed in Christ. Pray that this is what will happen in every church and fellowship group.

I pray that God will work in the hearts of those around me so that we may go to Him together in prayer.

God is making me strong.

I won’t give up on loving.

Lots of Love,

Teacuplift.

The Steadfast Healing of a Girl with an Evil Spirit.

The Healing of a Boy with an Evil Spirit.

‘When they came to the disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As  soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

“What are you arguing with them about?” he asked.

A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spririt that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

“O unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foamed at the mouth.

Jesus asked his father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

“If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”

The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.” But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

He replied, “This kind can come out only by prayer.”‘

- Mark 9: 14-29.

Confronted, with something that has  never happened before,

The realisation that …there is nothing you can actually do.

The problem is on the inside; and you can’t reach in and make it right

No matter how many solutions you can practicably figure out

You just can’t do it.

The problem now is not that you’re hopeless.

It’s that you don’t believe in hope.

You say your prayers repeatedly (just in case it might make a difference; here now at least you’ve turned to Him, you have!)

But how do you know it will be okay?

So nothing has changed really. You still don’t know what’s going on.

But.

Why do you need to know what’s going on?

The Lord is infinitely more faithful 

than us at our best promise.

The Lord is wise. To discern what is best.

And we are comforted because

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:38-39.

“Help me overcome my belief.”

less

“God, change what’s going on in my life and make it better for me, please protect me. For me, for my family. For my friends. I need you to.”

I’m trying to learn this.

Dear Lord, may we all come to You with belief and faith in your sovereignty, committing to you all our troubles, trials and temptations without faltering hearts of doubt.

In Your Son’s most precious name

Amen.

Like a lemon soda.

I still dream of you.

Sometimes I wonder

Hands in the woollen pockets of my pea coat and the lower half of my face hidden in the tightly-strung scarf around my neck, I left the snug caresses of the lobby into the cold. 

On the pavement I joined many others; the couples strolling slowly, the lost, slowly but not strolling, and the rest, harried; their faces were full of purpose, all but their eyes. 

It was one of those nights where you just wanted to be out. Where you just needed to feel that you are somewhere. 

Spending weeks of  all your living moments alone, it is as if during that time an invisible hand has picked you up; displacing you into a parallel world. Everything seems the same, but suddenly you feel as if you know nothing at all. 

I wonder to myself; as some form of masochistic amusement and  not a serious hypothetical consideration,

That if I was able to have all my options and their consequences laid out in front of me at that time.

Would I have done differently?

The streetlights started to flicker on, emitting the predeccesory light from which orange pools of refuge were born from. 

Footsteps were a mixture of sole scuffing and shifting of snow, and my darkly worn-down eyes started to feel the Spartan attack of the chill. 

Suddenly the smell and feel of your hair brushed against my face. The soft  waves and the warmth of your neck. I stopped as if I had been hit in the face from its impact. Maybe my tolerance of cold had weakened drastically; maybe this was some last defensive mechanism my body desperately threw at me before I would die. Maybe I was dreaming again. I heard mutters around me as I was overtaken, people looked at me wondering what I was seeing.

I was seeing you.

If I knew back then how pathetic I was now, would I have chosen to care about you at all?

But there was a flaw, I don’t think I ever had much choice. Looking back, the giving of smiles was too easy; you didn’t even have to ask me if I would give you ownership of my thoughts, my feelings,

my sympathy.

If only that were so.

I finally met your fiance last week. You were with friends, it was your birthday. This year, I was nearly able to forget it was your birthday until I walked into the same restaurant and saw you blow out the candles. What did you wish for? I don’t think you need any wishes; you looked so happy. And you were. 

I saw it coming for months. You were always the kind of girl that guys would die for. A girl that would never expect it; but that kind of devotion fits you like your very own skin.

So I made my own wish instead. As I watched you close your eyes and blow out those candles, I wished that I would never see your face again. Never. I would never chance upon you on the street, in a supermarket, outside my flat. 

Or in my dreams.

Because you’d never want to see me too, right?

I checked my watch after I grabbed for the metal handrail and lent open against the glass door. I was just in time for my appointment. The guy at the front welcomed me with a smile and said the doctor was ready to see me. As I entered, the doctor smiled at me and I felt my body flinch in anxiety for half a second where I think it is you sitting in that chair. But it isn’t, and I take my seat. She says, how have you been the past month?

How many episodes do you think you’ve had?

I don’t tell her that I wake up on the floor crying. I don’t tell her I’ve found myself screaming after being awoken from having hit myself trying to get through the door whilst being lost in my subconscious.

“I’m fine” I say, looking down to casually tug my coat to shake off some snow. “Would you like to tell me about the dreams that you’ve been having recently?” she continued.

They’re always the most normal dreams. I’m walking with you, you’re talking to me. My mind registers that something different has changed between us, and there’s this hope in the atmosphere surrounding us. It’s so small but I feel this hope that everything will turn out the way it was meant to be. I talk to you, braver as each minute passes from us, certain that something in that… bad situation we were in when I was conscious, something happened that I don’t remember, but it’s okay now. 

“It’s okay” you said.

“I agree” you said.

“It makes sense” you said.

But it is never okay.

“There are times when I haven’t dreamt of her for a week, then a couple more weeks, and I think that it is over.” 

“But everytime… I dream of her again… and she reminds me that- 

she’s still there. Inside of me.”

MIA

SO MUCH TO BLOG, SO MANY PHOTOS, SO BEHIND (As usual). But I’ll keep this short and most recent. On Easter Sunday (THE DAY CHRIST ROSE TO CONQUER DEATH, NOT JUST PHYSICAL DEATH, BUT DEATH FOR OUR SINS: http://valleyjournal.net/jesus-conquered-death-sin-for-everyone-p569-108.htm (good and short article imo) we went to a family friend’s (G) house who lives outback ish Here are some photos of the wonderful things we enjoyed up there!!! 

An outdoor aquarium! SO amazing!

<3 

Chickens!!! G’s son, J picked one up so that C and I could pet it. It was soooo sofft!!!!!! So sad that C and Q were walking around the pen repeating “KFC, KFC.” =.=

GIANT OYSTER :O!!! YUMMEH. XD

Cracking macadamia nuts from their shells that came from a macadamia tree : DDD! SEE THE WHITE MACADMIA.

Daddeh : D… yes I’m still holding the macadamia cracking thing haha.

And wasn’t that a nice pleasantly short blog, blended of equal parts of heavy and other parts of heart. : ) Praise God for all things.

“I asked GOD for strength, and he gave me difficulties to make me strong, I asked GOD for wisdom and he gave me problems to solve. I asked GOD for prosperity and he gave me brain and brawn to work. I asked GOD for courage and he gave me danger to overcome.” (A facebook group hurray, 2011) 

Let’s be encouraged to make the most of each lesson in front of us, whereever we are right now in terms of life, work, love, AND ASSESSMENT LOLZBAI. 

Love,

Teacuplift.

P.S. MY FRIENDS ARE AMAZING 

P.P.S. SHALL FILL IN ON MY LIFE SOON, because we all know everyone wants to know about that >_>?!

P.P.S. YOU ARE LIVING.

More trivial than this title.

Happily Ever After.

“Hey, wake up”

The light that caused me to see warm orange behind my closed eyelids shifted as I felt someone, well, it was your voice; nudging me in my blanket gently from side to side.

Your laugh echoed and I opened my eyes, squinting reluctantly.

“Hey! Happy birthday!” you smiled down at me.

You are so lovely, you are so romantic. Everyone tells me that I am living a fairytale.

I tugged a corner of my mouth up in response, hoping you would understand.

You consider my faults to be intimate revelations for the privileged; you will always believe in me, you’re my prince.

“Look what I have; c’mon sit up,” you stood up from the bed and picked up a tray laden with hash browns, cherry tomatoes and eggs, a vermillion rose upon a serviette, a set of silver cutlery and a card.

I admired your form as I lay there. You were always all angles. Then I sat up slowly as you lowered the breakfast tray. “Oh, I picked up a cake on the way too. Get started and I’ll be back,” you grinned sweetly.

You left me and I picked up the generic birthday card; you had scrawled inside: “People tell me that I am your prince, but it is you that has made my dreams come true. Happy birthday princess. I love you forever.”  It was the same message every year and I guess you still thought it was funny. I looked at the window that was blindingly white from all the sun, maybe I’ll get around to buying some curtains. Then I sank back down inside the doona, filling the crevasses that had been hollowed out with my corresponding body parts.

Everyone says I am living a fairytale. With my prince that saved my life 3 years ago.

And it feels like every breath I have taken since is meant to be his.

Then, my eyes lost focus staring at the ceiling, and a single thought came to me.

I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

Why does my heart suddenly start with coldness about such a perfect idea?

______________________

Waiting for the bus, I brushed down my suit down with one hand, my briefcase filled with the floor plans of the new project in the other. Though it had been a while since I was promoted, I still preferred the bus, I mean; green living and sustainable resources was all the rage in the architecture world these days anyway.

I stepped into the bus and scanned the seats quickly to find the best place. Hmm, too close to the door, mmm too far away, mmm there were still other seats available where I could take the window seat. Then without warning, my eyes flickered to lock onto a face.  It was that guy.

I sensed his eyes slide to me so I looked away and walked past where he was sitting and sat down. He had helped me find a building when I was on-site a few weeks ago and since then I had been continuing to think I had seen him in various places. Sometimes it was him, other times they were other people whom I had thought looked like him. Those others would either have his hair that was styled so that clumps of his curls would rise up at even intervals up the back of his head like the shells of the Sydney opera house, or the hollow of his back that was like the curve used in children’s water bottles so that they could hold it better; or the scar etched in his face that looked like a bend drawn in brown golden sand. This time, everything is in place, and I am sure that it is him.

Tracking my journey by the changing imagery beyond the grimy window, I glanced at him every so often to make sure it was him.

There was something about him that intrigued me. He had been friendly, but that was nothing special. He was attractive, but I didn’t know him enough to be attracted. Besides, he had been waiting for his girlfriend.

And remember you have a loving boyfriend that made you breakfast in bed this morning?

I tried harder to refrain from looking at him. Next stop was mine and I stood to leave, but he stood up also. I figured I would let him go first, so that we wouldn’t have to confront each other and share an awkward moment of recognition. I guess he felt the same because he rushed to get off the bus.

His plan was foiled though, because his card wouldn’t scan correctly and he flustered and dropped his card.

I guessed this was my chance so I quickly stepped past him, scanned my card and hopped off the bus.

When I brushed past him my heartbeat suddenly roared in my chest and my head

-and I found myself catching my breath as I landed on the footpath, dumbfounded

Why did that just happen?

______________________

“So then I had to go through the accounts again because, well, I’ve told you about the new partner I’m working with for this current client. He’s an idiot. Hey, you there?”

“Excuse me?”

“Um… well, if you’ve just joined us after the commercial break, we’re currently celebrating your birthday, you’ve just ordered duck confit and you’re looking beautiful” you said playfully.

“Hahaha…ha.”

Suddenly the cheerfulness in your eyes dimmed and you looked at me seriously.

“I actually… I have something to tell you. I’ve been thinking about it really hard for the past few months.”

Oh. No. Oh. No. He can’t be. He never asked. He -

“And it’s been really difficult, but I’ve finally found the courage.” He moved off his seat and lowered himself down on one knee.

Is this really going to happen? No, I haven’t thought about what to say yet.

“I love you and frankly-”

He shook his head, smiling down to himself, and then peered back up to me.

“You’re the structure of my life,” he laughed at himself. “And I can’t imagine a life without you.” He held out his hand and opened a ring box. Inside, a brilliant diamond.

“Will you marry me?”

I sat there, not responding. I listened to the sounds of vowels from people’s conversations around me, the sound of food being chewed.

“I- “ I looked at him, his eyes full of hope and excitement, of kindness and warmth.

A princess would never say no to the prince. That’s how every one knows and expects, urges even; a fairy tale to go.

“Will, you?”

 

 

“Yes.”

Crazy mother antics 1

Two weeks ago (wow it has been a while!) I was sick with a cold and trying to recover. One afternoon my mum says to me, “hey, let’s walk to our family friend’s place to pick up our faulty kettle that the father’s helped fix for us.” There were dark grey clouds in the sky. I lol’ed inside, knowing that this was going to fail. A quarter of the way it starts raining and we’re having to hide under trees/bus shelters/petrol stations every so often. In the end we are soaked and I’m just hoping that stuffing my itouch in my shorts pocket means it’s going to gain some invincible waterproof power.

Finally we arrived at their place and the guy’s like ohmyghs what’s wrong with you people. He offers to drive us home but I felt like, if we survived this long, we can survive the way back! This is building our toughness! CHYEAH. So we borrow his broken umbrella, because according to my mum, apparently it only rains when you don’t have an umbrella, and now that we have one, it’s not going to rain right? WRONG.

10 minutes later, a car drives up and slows down, I’m thinking… hmmm this is suss. Mum, ahead of me, is oblivious to this -.- Turns out it’s the father and he rolls down the window and yells out to my mum, “IF YOU WANNA BE A LOONY THEN GO WALK YOURSELF. DON’T DRAG YOUR DAUGHTER WITH YOU.” lolololol.

And yes. We got driven home -.- hahahaahah. I googlemapped it and found out that the distance was actually 2-3 kms. Yay, achievement!

One thing though, from this experience I suddenly found out how to do C’s and M’s seductive boar face. It is quite hard to do, let me show you this impressiveness:

 

<3 !! Oh gosh I'm going to get killed for this... aren't I. SUCH ENVIABLE CHEEKBONES.

All I could manage in the beginning was a fail pout:

But now I know how to do the lip! It’s a curl!

 

If only I was as cool as them.

Oh gosh. You must all feel like your IQ level has decreased.

Crazy mother antics 2

You know what I do on a Friday night? Instead of socializing (which had been my intended plans), I go with mother to IKEA, buy a cupboard, find out a flatpack deceivingly looks light, try to convince my fretting-because-she-is-female mother that we can fit it in the car and get my Bob the builder on and put it together.

It took us around less than 2 hours and I’m pretty proud of myself (even though I screwed the handles on the cupboard the wrong way LOL.) But when I was twisting the screwdriver hardcore my middle finger started to sting T_T I found out I had rubbed the skin off a little ahahahah, I was sitting on the floor, so I put the screwdriver down and just stared at my finger, willing myself not to cry.

 

HAHAHA I'M SUCH A PANSY. "Ooooh look!!! I'm huuuuuurrt." -.-

And normal things that doth amuse me.

having all the red boxes lighting up, it's so cute!

Buying flowers for mum because it was raining and watching them bloom and fill the kitchen with fragrance as the weeks go by.

$11.70 in shrapnel!!! I had more than this but I had to use it. ._. I kept trying to avoid using them though and tried to use my card instead for all the coin transactions I needed to do ._, hahaha!! I actually had to post something last week, and it was 11.70 exactly!!! God is watching out for me!

AND.

CHOCOLATE CHEESECAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE FROM F.

ZOHYMGHS SO. YUMAZING. T_T

Praise:

• The marriage of Billy and Grace today!!! But pray that their marriage will continue to be God-centered and lovely!
• That people (including me) are recovering from the strange pre-winter cold : /
• OUR AWESOME GOD.
• That we have been blessed to live in a peaceful place in Australia, that God has given us all abilities to do His work.

Pray:

• For Japan; especially the people and families, the lost, the Fukushima50 (I think that’s what the workers that have been trying to stabilize the nuclear station are called), the emergency workers in Japan and for the country’s recovery in the long-run (that is so not even relevant right now in the midst of the devastating consequences of the earthquake and tsunami). Pray for comfort, resources, health, safety and strength. And that may God be able to be a pillar, when it becomes apparent that God is in control of all things.
• The people recovering from the cyclones and floods in Queensland and NSW. That funds will reach the people who most need them and ongoing support.
• That we may all be aware of what is to come of this world, go back to the bible, and re-prioritize our lives.

Wish your family goodnights, hug them and love them,

Love,

Teacuplift.

P.S. GAH SO MUCH BACKLOG. SO SOOOORRRRRRYYYY. I CAN’T WRITE NO MORE SO IT TAKES FOREVER TO BLOG. </3 forgive me.

P.P.S. AND ON THAT NOTE, THANKS FOR BEARING AND READING!

Let’s get used to long blogs

Curdled

Bent and splayed out; his fingers pressed into the white fibres like a stand, lifting the towel up to his face in firm pats. The damp cotton dried his face accordingly in its presses, catching also the droplets of water that fell from the strands of his hair.

Padding into the change-room he typed in his pin and swung open the locker door, revealing a thrown pair of boxing gloves, some singlets and shorts about the place  and a bag with a now tumbled, but previously folded, shirt and jeans he had left there earlier. On the way of picking his bag up, he caught himself in the reflection of the mirror. He looked at his eyes first, how they watched themselves unwaveringly through the blinks, cool brown, shaded by many thin lashes. Then his nose;  he liked his nose,  it was strong and straight; then his eyes flicked up to check his hair and a quick look at his lips eventuated in a smirk. He never got tired of how good it felt to be so good looking.

A hard slap on the back pushed him a little forward and a flash of annoyance went through his chest as he turned and saw his brother grinning at him.

“What’s up, brother? Long time no see, I even started to miss you. Nearly tempted to join you at dear mother’s dinner table. Which-” he looked him up and down, “Seems to be fattening you up just nicely. I enjoyed watching you at the benchpress.” Giving him a wink.

Retorts and comebacks swept through his mind but he dismissed them all as too immature; “I’m glad man, I’m glad,” turning away from his brother to pull on his shirt.

“Hey, so what’s doing now? Laquisha and I are having lunch, you wanna join?”

“Nah… Mum wanted to go shopping,” and besides, I’d really be having the time of life being seen with you and your girlfriend. But his face said it all.

“Hey, your pokerface sucks, man. I’ll let you know you’d do good finding a girl like Laquisha if you wanted to stop being a douchebag. You might have a girl who has brains, spirit, maybe even integrity for once, haha.”

“What does integrity even mean again?” he joked.

“You know, integrity, dignity? No? Not ringing a bell?”

“Haha shut up.”

“Anyway, you think you’re you’re own man. But at the end of the day, all you have is your mummy telling you that.  I know what you’re going through.”

Fully dressed now, he threw his bag over his shoulder and turned. “Whatever. See you round.”

___________

“What do you think of this on me?” she held up a coral pink dress to herself. “It makes me look younger, fresher, doesn’t it?”

He gave her a mumble and looked around the store casually, hands in his pockets. Every few people, whether store people or shoppers; maybe 1 in 5 if he wanted to get specific, would be glancing over at them, and pretending they weren’t. If it weren’t for the resemblance of some features, they must have assumed they were in some sugar-mummy type  relationship.

“You’re not answering me. What’s on your mind? You’re usually quite accommodating to your mother. Is it a girl?” She widened her eyes innocently at him with the last 4 words.

“No, just tired.”

She continued to look at him inquiringly, still holding the dress. “Well, is there a girl?”

“Mmm what do you mean.”

“You know what I mean, you’re a boy,” she looked him up and down appreciatively, “and boys like girls. What’s she like.”

“Kind of. I guess I’m only just interested for now, I guess.” If his stalking her online was anything to go by, it was probably more than just interested. “She’s … strange.”

“Strange? Strange as in ugly? Or strange she could be pretty but she’s too weird to do something about it?”

“No! She’s … she’s erh… very attractive,” of course she’d have to be, “She’s just… hard-to-reach.”

“Ah… unattainable? Is she an ice princess?”

“I don’t know how to say it… Everyone likes her… but she doesn’t like anyone more than anyone else; you know what I mean? You think you’re special, but then you aren’t. Then one day you realise that you’re only barely amusing her. You talk to her and it’s like all she can ever feel is amusement.”

She smiled sweetly, “Your attention makes her feel good, dear. You shouldn’t waste your time.”

“Yeah…” he sighed.

“Anyway, you don’t need a girl. If you start dating again, who will mother have?”

He smiled slightly to appease her. She looked at him unimpressed, expectantly. So he tried harder.

Satisfied of his reassurance,  she linked her arm around his and tilted her head to his shoulder briefly. “Besides, I only have your happiness in heart.”

“Now where are we going next, or am I going to have to decide again?”

A small snapshot of small snapshots of what I have been doing in the last 3 weeks.

Fulfill my dreams as a flapper girl.

Probably more than a week ago, the fantastical S held a Murder&Mayhem dinner (Or a murder mystery party… I prefer the former though) at her house. The theme of the night and the story was set in the 1920s, (The Chicago/New York scene) and we all know what that means: FLAPPER GIRLS! (and mobsters) I’ve always wanted the opportunity to dress up as a flapper girl, but unfortunately could not find (and could not be bothered) to find a dress with tassels on it. I adore the bold eyebrows and lips, the short hair, and the appreciation of head accessories!

 

This is why I love 1920s fashion. From www.1920s-fashion-and-music.com

I was assigned the character of Carrie Crooner, a 19 year old jazz singer whom the Don “Big Jim” Ravioli divorced his wife to marry. (Hahahah!)

I especially enjoyed drawing on the dramatic elongated eyebrows. Very creepy, very fun. Thanks so much to S and all the people who attended for such a fine night! It was so raucous and different. LOVE OUR COTS <3.

Cook random dinners.

 

Yummee.

Make the same sandwich everyday.

 

Truss tomato (to be sliced), Cashew and pumpkin dip, Herb and garlic cream cheese, champagne ham on wholemeal bread. Boyfriend approved.

Eat Vietnamese 3 times a week.

No joke. At least I’ve tried to vary it up between Beef noodle soup (Pho tai), 3 thingo broken rice (Com .. ranh.. something? LOL) and Rice paper rolls (Bun… something, sigh I don’t even have the Vietnamese to prove it!) Don’t get me wrong, I ADORE Vietnamese food, but mother and I have this thing we’re we get into a habit which would last for months (lasted for months last year) where we would have Vietnamese EVERY. SINGLE. SUNDAY. For months. So this present trend is starting to worry me. I even went on Australia day. Lol at my Australia day outfit:

Nothing says "Australia" more than the back of my sister's door. Picture of Ocean Road, Melbourne on one side, and rugby league player Anthony Minichiello. Please ignore the pout.

Some of my friends went to the beach but I didn’t because I had to stay home and study for my exam the next day. So in memory of them, my singlet says “bikini queen,” and in the spirit of Australia… I wore khaki coloured shorts. >_>. Aren’t we lucky that this eh, “bikini queen” didn’t make it to the beach. Some of my other friends had a house bbq. I got dragged out by my mum to Darra to have Vietnamese. Yay.

High school, revisted.

Had the best few days of seeing various groups of high school friends. We played Cluedo in the library, celebrated M and S’s birthday at Grill’ed, bummed out at Market Square and pool and went iceskating. I’ll probably properly fill in all the photos from all the places I have been hanging about, but for now

 

C, me, S <3

Happy Birthday M & S!

L the cuteh and the S-held fork.

What I looked like most of the night, clicking photos. T optional. <3

I also got to take some photos that I really like that night:

 

domo onomz

The A

XD

Twins are sooo fun to shoot! Had this obsessively as my desktop <3

:)

And that’s definitely enough photos and enough blog for today : ) So much to catch up on!!! Just hold on tight!

Praise:

• God
• The safety of all my family and friends over the last month or so, re: floods and the cyclone Yasi. (More on this later)
• The relative fortune we have in Australia to be able to be supported by resources, help and loving neighbours during disasters
• Momo being home.

Pray:

• For the people and families still reeling from the disasters, that in the coming months normality maybe possible and that they will be continually supported.
• For the political unrest in Egypt. The World Evangelical Fellowship have suggested praying for the following (Thanks A for the forwarded email): – wisdom for all the leaders in Egypt, both forthe present government and the future leadership of the country – safety of the people in Tahrir Square – peaceful change – positive outcomes that will benefit the country as a whole, and will bring glory to God – positive impact on the region and the wider world as a result of the change in Egypt.
• It was also really humbling and touching to receive Pastor M’s email earlier this week when Cyclone Yasi was going to hit: “Dear AllThis is an urgent call! Having lived in a cyclone prone area and experienced the effects of a cyclone I know what it is like to be hit by a cyclone. We have a category 5 cyclone, Yasi, (250 -300 kilometer winds – more devastating than cyclone Tracy in 1974) the biggest cyclone in living memory on direct path to the North Queensland coast, expected to make land fall at 10.00pm tonight (Wednesday). This is a terrifying and destructive monster!

  However, we know that God does answer prayer.

  God once said to a man in a crisis situation, “Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things that you do not know”.

  This is a call to prayer for all of us to pray – to pray on the hour every hour for one minute asking God for three things

  1. Pray and ask God for safety and protection of people and property that are affected by the cyclone

  2. Pray the cyclone will be redirected in its anticipated path and head out to open sea and dissipate or unpopulated area of our land.

  3. Pray that we as a nation will be humble before God and that we will acknowledge our need of Him in all of life not just in a crisis.

  There is powerful statement in the Bible that says, “You have not because you do not ask!”

  Come on Church – we have no time to waste. Lets act immediately and acknowledge that we need God and pray and believe for a miracle in our hour of need.

  Love & blessings

  Pastor M”

Until next time.

Love,

Teacuplift.

P.S. SHOUT-OUT TO ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO USED THE EFFORT TO TEXT ME FOR ALL THE FESTIVITIES. ALTHOUGH MY PHONE HAS BEEN OUT OF MEMORY I HAVE KEPT ALL YOUR MESSAGES: CHINESE NEW YEAR: A, B and M, NEW YEAR: T, J, M, S, S, J, C. CHRISTMAS: B, D, B, H, M, B, J. <3 HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

P.P.S. THANKYOU TO MY EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS, B, B, AND NEWLY!!! Z!!! <3

P.P.S. So I know some people are expecting me to mention T. We were both very surprised and a little disturbed (we’re not getting married people…) at having 54 likes of “being in a relationship” Thankyou everyone for your well-wishings and comments of “FINALLY” etc. What we most need and want is prayer : ) Prayer for growth, guidance and wisdom. May we glorify Him in our relationship no matter what happens!

P.P.P.S. A NEW BLOG LOOK IS COMING!!!

A Happy New Year, because of a certainty in eternity

The most perfect part of the outside world.

I don’t remember how long it took us to reach that point.

You know, that part of the conversation where you both stop talking and ponder in silence; as if silence was needed to entirely appreciate the gravity of what had been said so far. Sometimes you might nod to yourself every so often to reassure them that no-no, there’s no awkwardness here; we’re still connected in this conversation, and we want to be. Perhaps it was 13 minutes or so.

I find myself increasingly wondering whether I am the only one who enjoys these moments. It is as if we are watching dry ice slowly unfurl into a pyrex flask. Whether, when I am seeing a beautiful dipping and swirling of white blushes, reaching out in wispy caresses towards pure glass sides, that others see an encroaching shadow, watching its possession of the container with uneasiness like watching time irrevocably taking a person towards death. Whether, I am still even allowed to impose ‘comfortable silences’ on people anymore, when the state of me only ever continues to rouse pity, sadness, discomfort.

I had been looking at you, sunlight skimmed over my stiff white bed sheet, to your face; making the scar that ran down your right profile, pale and iridescent.

It was a bright and clear morning, my favourite.

You turned to smile at me and your whole face crinkled, your scar along with it; it reminded me of the second, or was it the third; the fourth? Time we met.  You said you got it in a fight. I didn’t know if you were joking when you coupled it with that smile, but I believed it, if that was what you wanted.

Then I felt my face awake and I was smiling back at you.

__________________________

The sky is black and you didn’t visit today.

You know you promised.

So how can you not know now then, that I need you.

I want to be angry at you,

But I know that once you walk through the door,

I’ll only be able to smile.

I’ll want you

Until I feel safe again.

____________________________

When I opened my eyes you were in front of me

Lengthwise, your body lay parallel to mine, asleep.

I used to think that you would be so handsome if you didn’t have that scar. Now I became conscious that you had seen me all these months and did not once reminisce of how I used to look.

Behind you, the  rectangular blinds slapped against each other as the wind rustled behind them from the open window. It was a bleak and cold day.

I watched you, and that feeling from my face, that I was smiling … came back to me again.

Then suddenly hot tears broke the calm surface of my eyes and spilled down the side of my face, I tried to keep my gasps quiet but I was so close to you.

I wanted to reach out to you and hold onto you, but you were brilliant in stillness. A masterpiece. I couldn’t.

I feel as if you and I could transcend through uncertainty together,

You open your eyes and we stare at each other in that steady way. With each blink of my eyes, I’m becoming part of you… closer and closer to you… as if I could feel myself  fading … vulnerably yet free, sinking into you; and you blink back, as if  holding me by the shoulders and firmly telling me that you’re not afraid of me

So that I’m not afraid of myself anymore…

I learnt so much,

to love you.

I never knew that I could.

Your imperfections, I adore them.

You’re the most perfect part of the outside world.

And this feels strange but…

I’m so happy.

The way I am right now, the way you are right now, the way

we are together.

Happy New Year

A comprehensive new year post will follow, hopefully. For now I just want to wish you all a Happy New Year.

 

I sent my sister and I through the email to my father. 2o11!

I’m looking forward to it:

“”I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:10-14.

It’s going to be a great year in Him.

Love,

Teacuplift.

P.S. M, I’m praying for Uncle Joel, you, your family. <3

Smiling for you; alone.

A comparison of his woman.

Her little fingers clutched the host’s light cotton-covered shoulders as she lent in her face, their cheeks pressing against each other softly. The vowels of the words “Long time no see” broke the former stillness of the air in a high-pitched curve of feminine elation.

Facing each other, the tips of the host’s fingers landed on her arm, probing the flesh every so often to mimic her pleasantries: “How are you?” “What have you been doing with yourself?” and “I’ve missed you.”

A few meaningless sentences after, she promised the host that they would be “catching up at some point of the night,” and went to find her man.

There he was, in the corridor.

There she was, too.

There they were, “talking.”

There he was, an euphoric smile on his face (by his standards); simply titillated by the

voraciousness, of she.

Naive fool. How could you let her?

Her white tipped nails curled and dug into her smooth palms as she made her way stiffly over.

She waited as they continued in her presence. And waited. And waited.

Fine. So she walked away.

________________

She swore as the heel of her shoe snapped, throwing her clutch onto the near-by armchair in an uncouth manner.

His laughter entered the house after her, then he followed. She turned around and answered with a glare.

Holding up his palms in defence he walked around her into the kitchen. He returned, handing a glass to her as she sat on the couch with her eyes wide to the ceiling.

“What’s up with you?” he said.

She shook her head and raised a firm hand, “Don’t start me.”

“So I’m going to have to hear about this later? You might as well say something while I’m in a good mood.”

“What, did you just say?” emphasizing the “what” with a jerk of her jaw.

He cast his eyes down.

She began laughing maniacally. “Well, since you’re so graciously, humouring me, I’ll “say something” now; I mean, thank YOU” in a  instantaneous motion she bit her lip hard, sprang onto her feet and pushed him so that he staggered back in surprise

“-for giving ME, the OPPORTUNITY to have your ATTENTION” pushing him in the chest with each word.

After receiving her first pushes with a stance of confusion, he changed to hold her arms away from him.

“What are you talking about?! What is… what is going on?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“No…” his head swayed side to side in innocence “… I really don’t know…”

He tried to decipher the convicted look on her face, hands on her hips.

“Oh my-” He shook his head incredulously, “It was because she was there, wasn’t it?”

“No okay; it wasn’t just that-”

“I can’t believe you … what?!”

“CAN’T, BELIEVE, WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND? Why is it that every time, if I’m not there, EVERY, SINGLE TIME, you just HAVE to be where she is. Can you explain that? NO? It’s funny how EVERY TIME, YOU KNOW; IT MAKES ME THINK THAT THERE’S A REASON, WHEN IT’S EVERY TIME,” her face in the angriest contortion.

“What? It’s not like that, what’s wrong with you?”

“It IS!” she growled loudly.

“WHAT IS IT ABOUT HER THAT YOUR EYES FIND HER EVERY TIME I’M NOT THERE? WHY AREN’T YOU WITH HER, THEN?

As he watched her change from one being to another before him, he thought

It was a very good question.

 

The worst time to be alone.

Those who frequent my personal space irl have probably heard my many recent episodes of doing things alone (and have probably looked at me sadly because of it.) I go to uni alone, I go home alone, I go to work alone, I eat lunch alone, I eat dinner alone in public etc etc. It’s nothing to be surprised about though. I don’t know whether it’s out of convenience (9 times out of 10 it is) or that I’m a bad person who does not do acceptable things and allow people to accompany them.

So albeit the hour meeting I had with kids that do frequent my personal space irl today on Christmas eve (and I’m so loving of you guys), I’ve been alone. I spent the day sleeping in a lot, woke up, made this awesome agnolotti pasta (but from the pack.. didn’t actually make the pasta

 

Snowpeas, tomato, onion, chicken, mushrooms, spinach-filled agnolotti mixed in with milk and gourmet fruit and nut cheese. Yay for random ingredients and experimental cooking- the only type of cooking i do. >_>

went out  to buy some presents for secret santa for family dinner tomorrow (which is really family friends who have adopted me  in the past few years :3 So much love! <3) Was pretty happy with it, (blog about it next time) then went to garbo to… look at clothes hahaha then went home… then for some reason.. napped, woke up to T calling me up and telling me to head to market square; was like >________> but i figured I should go since I had realised earlier in the day that wow… this was going to be one of those days where I would not say a word to anyone human : | And also, had to clean the house cause sister and friend are coming tomorrow from Melbourne and cooking and eating and washing takes time. : D Plus, I think I ‘ve been eating too much junk and the effects of “hot air” (asian context for understanding) has resulted in a sore throat the whole day. (Please God don’t take away my voice so I can praise You tomorrow morning T_T)

The best part of my day though, receiving a Christmas card in the mail from L and little L.

 

: ) Isn't she darling? Special that she chose this card cause she knows how mum ADORES Forever Friends.

Just adding to the neverending love I have for her.

What a best friend. Yes, very bright so you can't see her sweet words XD

It’s not only the worst time to be alone these days because of the season.

Where were you? You could’ve even just… texted me a word.

Yes, I did lie to you. But you have no idea the lies I’d lie for you… so what difference does that make?

I need…

(a) Merry Christmas

11 minutes into Christmas now : ) It definitely is merry knowing that Christ was born as a man, died and conquered death, wages for our sin; as our Savior now.

Not just merry, sensationally powerful, doesn’t even cover it.

Hope you all have a truly Merry Christmas with the profound realization of what He has done in your heart.

Love,

Teacuplift.

All that happened was just a slip.

 

I had been writing, but finding out that it wasn’t right, right then; I have been re-writing.

Then I was writing for days, now, nearing its end yesterday; I was relieved that finally I would have completed something. Idea, wrote, follow through, completed.

Sometimes though, all the things you had been planning for a long time, is not what you need to do.

Today, I don’t quite remember what I did.

Oh, that’s right. I went to work, it was good. You know a thing about papercuts? You feel them before you see them.

Tonight, the missions team for Cherboug (and I was going to blog all about this great trip); had dinner together, and we reflected together about all that had happened. It was more valuable than I could have imagined. We praised Him, we thanked Him, we prayed

so much for so many of our friends.

I came home, in love with God; ready to continue, ready to affront everything that had been pulling me back lately. I was so uplifted, I was so heartbroken for my friends, I was so angry.

At how. God could be so dead to people. Even people who say they know God.

At how. People are so dead …

They don’t even know it, they don’t think it, they think… what are you talking about? Stop forcing things on me.

When they don’t even stop to think about all the things in the world; “realities,” that they’ve just

Sat.

and accepted. Because you did accept.  Did you choose to fill yourself up with distractions so that you could feel “comfortable” with yourself?

But you know what?

You are never dead to God.

From the beginning of time, when God thought of you, and created you.

Til now, when you think; God? Who is He?

And why do I care?

All I care about… is what’s in front of me.

All that happened was just a slip.

My grandma passed away tonight.

I can’t say I feel anything yet.

This morning they said she was stable.

But now, she’s gone.

From this world.

I sat there, and I needed to pray.

For my grandma. For my dad. For our family.

Lord, You are sovereign. It means You are absolute. You are my Father.

I know that the Lord will take care of us.

I thank the Lord for the new life He has given me, to live for.

I know that He will hold us close to Him.

All that happened was just a slip.

All that can happen can be just a slip.

SEEK HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART.

YOUR HEART IS HUMAN NOW, AND CANNOT BEAT FOREVER.

GOD. HAS CONQUERED DEATH.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

BE SHOWN.

With a heart full of love,

and a God who has changed me,

Teacuplift.

Talk to me.

A long time coming

Day terrors

I was crossing a courtyard

Every so often wildflowers would interrupt the urban pave stones.

I held my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun but it still stung me through the gaps of my fingers

A voice called out to me and I turned, glad to have found a reason to relieve the blindness.

Adjusting to the light, my eyes found the voice, and it was my friend,

Behind a glass window of a shop front, waiting to have lunch with me.

I smiled at her, unsure; gesturing for her to wait a moment,

Then I was inside, sat down at the table; we talked about how we were and what we had been doing.

Then you walked in

And though you looked me straight in the eyes, you could not make your steps towards me; only close enough to give a polite nod of your head and a shadow of a smile;

And this time I was so sure, for your face was unmistakable;

So sure you would be happy to never see me again.

And the walls that held the tears behind my eyes began to break, in sheer loss,

And distraught let me near; throwing its arms around my heart

And I found myself back to how I used to be before

That it was you, it was finally you;

How is it possible that

it was enough for me, not enough to ask for more?

And like an uncontrollable falling of tears, distraught’s hands came away from me for half a second so that he could grab me tighter again,  and as the powerful drawing of deep sobs, he choked me closer, closer, tighter still;

And the anguish, the abandonment of what I had come to know only, as numbing passivity, swept into me, through me, and coursed throughout my soul in slicing circles, hollowed into and ripped out from me: twirls, spirals, and ribbons of sheer, desperate vulnerability

of desperate want

in desperate cries.

And I felt like everything that had ever hurt me

Would hurt me forever.

Regardless that my mornings are mine again

‘we’ will never be a word, I will always be taboo and you

You

you

will always  be worth it,

The possibility to be able to feel

Those rare milliseconds between dream and reality

Where my consciousness, in its fight for sanity would conjure up hopeful delusions that there may be some future where we’d be.

 

-But you’ll push me away

and my fingertips;

they’re grasping,

and I’m falling

falling

and i’m trying, i’m trying, no, PLEASE

and i’m… FALLING.

and each time you’ll

let.

me.

go.

and I’ve fallen.

He still had that power to fall me.

And I told L about it all.

Just like she promised, we had a D&M, and she showed me some TLC.

I woke up like a puffer fish.

It was the day we were to say goodbye. L was leaving my house (she had come from Melbourne) and moving onto the next leg of her journey, S. I had been planning a surprise party for her a month ago; for her and another friend’s belated birthday, and that she was back. The weeks leading into it, everybody kept telling her about it (accidentally, right?) and it seemed that by the end of it, I was the only one keeping to the surprise, which meant that I was spinning several lies at once to one of my best friends (great; it was one of the worst things I had to do in my life tbh).

Got her away from me (hahaha jks) and rushed to bake her a cake. Yeurk; do not try speed-making a cheesecake in an hour (cause it’s supposed to bake for 1 hour in the oven : P)

Waiting for the cake to eventuate

I was 45 minutes late to my own surprise event (at least the people we were surprising were much later than I). The tray was burning to my fingers (ouch, try figuring your way around that !) and the round chocolate pebbles I had put on it to decorate it had melted away in unsightly streaks (at least the heart made out with blueberries were intact!) and :/ and the bus died T_T and then it was raining like crazy!!!! At least there were no cake-induced fatalities  and everyone really liked it!!! happy face

Domestic lip

Sometimes you just got to be thankful for all the blessings in your life, put on that dress that makes you feel like a girl and paint on that smile. When your hands are keen on happiness, your heart has something to follow.

And follow it did.

I had one of the best nights of my life. Turn-out was around 20 people of high school friends, and I don’t know why. I had so much fun with them. I felt like I was back at high school… at the very best times, when I’m the best of me. When I’m laughing,  yelling and joking and K is looking at me incredulously at my vivaciousness with an “Oh, Jo.” And I’m spinning ahead, and speaking my mind, but the words I said were not wrong or hateful and we were all just smiling at each other.

Peace Love Joy. The Lord created all these. He created us, and the capacity to even understand... these phenomena.

I know it’s really hard to see the photo, but I love it <3 And we’re holding hands!

Though I had to go home without company, I felt exhilarated all the way; with my near empty baking tray.

It had been so long since I felt so right.

And I felt like my heart had been opened, and that it opened like a flower, petals stretching out to my chest, and I was hit with this realisation:

I was meant to feel happy. I was meant to feel like this.

God intended my heart not only to be taught by Him constantly, but  to be one that rejoices in the beautiful things he has created.

Happiness did not exist; without God creating it;

Neither did laughter

He created the ability to feel … love for those around us.

What would we be? Just empty human bodies?

Just … a thing on the earth.

But no; he gifted us

with all these…. because these can only be breathed by the Creator of them.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live, also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil– this is God’s gift to man.” Ecclesiastes 3: 11-13.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8.

These last few weeks have been everything, happy and very full; everyday has been so intensive. I’ve a lot to share about the many things I did (esp. with L) and people I have to wish a dear birthday too (T, M & M I’m looking at you) but I just felt I should share this, cause it’s been so long.

Happily ever after.

And that’s when, with eyes of adoration; you say, I love you Lord.

Love and blessings,

Teacuplift.

P.S. If you haven’t noticed already, my blog is snowing! : )

P.P.S. Can’t wait for the sun to shine : )

P.P.P.S. Thankyou for being so patient and still visiting guys, thankyou!!!